Personal Stories
By completing a health care directive while still healthy and capable, individuals may provide their families and friends with the peace of mind that comes with clearly understanding the individual's healthcare wishes. In a health care directive, instructions about the individual's own wishes regarding healthcare decisions may be communicated in writing. Those wishes then will be available to family and doctors, should the individual become unable to personally communicate those wishes in the future. The individual completing a health care directive may also name a healthcare agent who will be responsible for assuring that the individual's written wishes are honored. By clarifying healthcare wishes in writing, individuals may avoid future family disagreements or uncertainty, thereby providing peace of mind during potentially difficult times.
Here are a few personal stories involving family members who did (or did not) complete a health care directive, and the impact on the families involved:
ALICE of Minneapolis
At the end of my mother’s life, my three sisters and I had to make a decision regarding what measures should be taken to prolong her life. Although Mother had had a serious illness for about 5 years, we didn't think that her condition would deteriorate so quickly. My mother was one of those people who had talked about health care directives for years, but when it came time to make a decision it was the hardest thing that any of us had to do. I am forever grateful for those conversations and for the document that she signed, when she was able, telling us what she wanted. I know that we made the right decision for her, and that is what gave us peace of mind. I don’t know how we would have gotten through without it.
MARK of St. Paul
My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer. The treatment was to have one lobe of his lungs surgically removed. He was elderly and in poor health. Everyone knew there was a strong possibility he wouldn't survive the operation. Prior to the surgery, he signed a Health Care Directive naming my spouse as his Agent, and we sat down as a family to review it line-by-line. He clarified exactly what he meant by each of the various statements concerning pain control, life support, and his feeling regarding quality vs. length of life. At the end of the meeting, we all felt we understood his wishes. In the end, the surgery was successful, but the advance planning gave peace of mind and made a stressful situation better for the entire family, and especially for my spouse who could have been called on to make some difficult decisions had things not gone as well.
JENNIFER of Roseville
My maternal grandfather was a very independent man who lived several states away from me. Grandpa was a solitary man who had always refused to discuss his affairs or to make advance plans of any kind. As he gradually lost mental capacity, his life grew more dangerous and disorganized. Three days after the birth of my first child, I got a phone call from a hospital, saying that Grandpa was hospitalized in serious condition, and they needed to know if he should be resuscitated, if the need arose. My mother was moving across country to start a new job, and had no new address or phone number. I had no idea what my Grandpa would want or what the right decision would be. As a result, I had the state and city police out hunting down my mother by her license plate number, when the hospital called again to say that Grandpa had died. The panic and stress of trying to make a literal life-and-death decision without any information about the wishes and values of my grandfather was a terrible experience. I wished so much that he made some kind of record of what he would want. He was such a fiercely independent person, it seemed terribly wrong that his wishes were completely left out of the decision-making process at the end of his life.
